Would you divorce only after one year of the marriage?
I feel so guilty about filing for a divorce. I started to feel that perhaps I had not given my husband an opportunity to correct the problems. First, I feel that my husband has tried to use me, and get by on doing the least financially. Two and a half years ago my husband moved here from Florida. He told me that he was a financial advisor, which lead me to believe he was financially responsible. A lie. He moves into my home and is only about to contribute a few hundred dollars a month. He after all has a car payment, cell phone, GSL, IRS debt, and child support. I have expressed to him that he needs to help more, his reply is that we are in a reccession. That has been his answer for everything!!!! After a year of living with me, he decides that we can go on a trip to Las Vegas. I knew we could not afford it. His idea was that we defer the mortgage payment for a few months, (because of the reccession the mortgage co. will work with us). We get married, and three weeks later he loses the only sound job he had of six months. By the way, he has changed jobs four times in two year. He will work, even if its just above minimum wage, yet he is a college graduate.
My mortgage co. is now going to foreclose on the house. I am now in several thousand dollars in credit card debt. My god this man actually had an attitude with me because i did not offer to pay for his airfare on my credit card. I was being selfish and only thinking of myself according to him. He claims that he loves me and is committed to this relationship110%. He claims its all about money with me. I want out of this!!!! I see the writing on the wall!! I filed and paid in full for a divorce, but because I am so nice I have not decided to procreed. I can’t get by on his love and friendship alone.!!!! Please help!!!
You chose to believe what you wanted to believe about him, he never lied. You ASSumed that because he adviser be a financial adviser that he was financially responsible, he didn’t TELL you that you ASSumed, it, that was YOUR lie. So you ALLOWED him to move in with him based upon your ASSumption. YOU should have gotten to know him well enough to know his finances BEFORE you had him move in with you. That wasn’t HIS fault that was YOUR fault. Then to top it off you CHOSE to marry him! No, actually you CHOSE to marry the fantasy you had created rather than the real person. And because the real person hasn’t lived up to your fantasy you want to blame him! There were clearly red flags all over the relationship and you CHOSE not to see them. Again not HIS fault.
Clearly YOU are not mature enough to enter into an actual relationship because you’re live in "fantasy land". Once you get out of the mess you put yourself into I suggest you LEARN from your mistake, and start living in the real world. And don’t blame others for the choices that YOU make based upon YOUR fantasies.
By the way I would have known him a hell of a lot better than you did BEFORE I even got invovled with him let alone had him move in with me or marry the guy.
October 24th, 2009 at 2:46 am
You got you a real winner there. Try to pawn him off on your least favorite sister.
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October 24th, 2009 at 3:01 am
He is a fraud and worth dumping to the curb.
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October 24th, 2009 at 3:25 am
I don’t see anything about the wedding owe you took in all that ranting.
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October 24th, 2009 at 3:48 am
Get rid of this user Inquire about bankruptcy You need a lawyer fast
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October 24th, 2009 at 4:05 am
I went through this. And I wished I had done earlier what I did recently. I had a similar situation to yours for many years…same fighting, no help with the kids, same "you’re mean to my son" -everything. One day, we decided to split up, but right before I left I said how I would feel bad later on toward our daughter if I hadn’t done EVERYTHING in my power to make it work out. I said that if he cared and wanted it to work, we would go to marriage counseling.
Go to a church, or call and schedule and appointment. Most ministers do this service for FREE, so it’s not like you’ll be out any money. Raising a kid is hard, raising kids that aren’t yours is even harder. BUT it’s even more hard if neither of you are on the same team. And you’re not right now, but you CAN be.
That first session was what really got the ball rolling and we still go every week, until every thing is worked out. But you both have to WANT it to be worked out, and I think you do. They will give you communication tools to use at home, instructions on fighting the right way, tips on how to "not annoy" and look past annoyances. All things that really make a difference. I saw a difference in one day, and tha day we went home and we’ve been on the same team ever since.
It’s like our pastor who counsels us said to us (and we were not a member of his churh OR married either): If you use yelling and fighting as a way to get what you want out of the other one, then your kids will see that and use the same scenarios to get what THEY want. They will think "whoever screams the loudest -wins". Ever wonder where kids learned that stuff? They mimick what they see at home. We don’t even yell at our kids if we can possibly help it now, because it teaches them to yell back. You can be firm to people without raising your voices…
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October 24th, 2009 at 4:47 am
You were right by filing for divorce unless you want to live under a bridge in a cardboard box for the next couple years until you find out he’s cheated on you and you get the nerve to gain control of your life again.
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October 24th, 2009 at 5:25 am
You could have seen the writing on the wall well before you married him. Why were you so stupid to even marry this guy?
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October 24th, 2009 at 5:51 am
It was silly even marrying him.
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October 24th, 2009 at 6:32 am
You chose to believe what you wanted to believe about him, he never lied. You ASSumed that because he adviser be a financial adviser that he was financially responsible, he didn’t TELL you that you ASSumed, it, that was YOUR lie. So you ALLOWED him to move in with him based upon your ASSumption. YOU should have gotten to know him well enough to know his finances BEFORE you had him move in with you. That wasn’t HIS fault that was YOUR fault. Then to top it off you CHOSE to marry him! No, actually you CHOSE to marry the fantasy you had created rather than the real person. And because the real person hasn’t lived up to your fantasy you want to blame him! There were clearly red flags all over the relationship and you CHOSE not to see them. Again not HIS fault.
Clearly YOU are not mature enough to enter into an actual relationship because you’re live in "fantasy land". Once you get out of the mess you put yourself into I suggest you LEARN from your mistake, and start living in the real world. And don’t blame others for the choices that YOU make based upon YOUR fantasies.
By the way I would have known him a hell of a lot better than you did BEFORE I even got invovled with him let alone had him move in with me or marry the guy.
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October 24th, 2009 at 6:59 am
If relationships are respect, admiration, passion and trust, the four biggies, hon, where was your radar in choosing this man?
Had you been my sister, you’d have never even considered a guy like this with such flaws. My mom gave me radar…. and the first line was…"The most important decision you will ever make is who you choose to marry. Use your head as well as your heart."
Advise? First, don’t have any babies with his. Surely you can find a better sperm donor.
And secondly, you have none of those four up above listed… well, maybe the passion part, but 25% was an F last time I checked in school, and for sure an F in marriage.
Hon, you don’t really have a marraige here…. a boinking buddy is about it.
Leave and file? Just as fast as you can.
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Thank you mom. All I am, I owe to you.
October 24th, 2009 at 7:45 am
You saw the writing on the wall before you married him.
Normally, I would say only divorce for infidelity or abusive reasons, but I don’t know, I’d think this one through.
The recession is over and the Economy is starting to pick back up slowly so his excuse are just that..excuses.
Go to counseling. Make divorce your last resort-especially since you’re unsure about whether or not to even proceed.
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